Dilema?

[txplshrk]

Hey here is a perplexing question.

If you and your wife played on two leagues together. One bar league on Wed. 7' tables, where you all were on the same team with like 8 other players (Supposidly our friends.) Then one 8' table league on Thurs. that you were on different teams (and all the other 8 people from your Wed league play in this one on different teams.) How would you handle this situation?

We were all at my house on a Sat night and when everyone left me and the wife got into a verbal fight pretty bad.

Well on Tuesday I get an e mail from the captain of the bar league that says she doesn't want any drama on the league so I can't play until me and the wife get things straightened out later.

So I ask her if my wife is allowed to play, and she said yes, they just didn't want me to show up and cause drama. So my wife (being pissed at me says she is going to go play league and defend my honor by telling them that I shouldn't have been kicked off.) Well being pissed at me I doubt she defended me, but that is besides the point. If they didn't want drama why didn't we both get kicked off? Me and the Wife never fight in public anyway, so they didn't have anything to worry about. Also, since it is at a bar, what would have prevented me from showing up and causing a scene anyway?

I got royally pissed thinking that they should have kicked both of us off if they didn't want drama. I think they chose sides, and by doing that invited more drama in.

Anyway I am mad at the wife for going cause I think she should have stuck by me and said if he can't play then I am not playing, but apparently she is cool with it since they took sides.

The minute she walked out the door to play I picked up my cues and headed down to a different place to play in a tournament. If she was going to have fun, then why shouldn't I? Of course when my wife got home and I wasn't sulking on the couch she got pissed that I went out to play without her. LOL Oh well, her plan didn't work very good did it? LOL

Anyway, now they want me to show up and play this week, and to tell you the truth I am still pissed and don't even know if I should ever play for their team. All the other friends we associate with don't take sides, they just give us advice on how to work it out. And they have never acted like mom and pop and tried to keep us in time out so to speak. So I don't know what to do or how to act.

I really love to play, and there are very few leagues around here, so I like to play in any league that I have gotten invited into.

What would you guys do? Need some good advice here please.
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If they don't have a pool hall in heaven, then I ain't going!

[txplshrk]

It's not the league that we are on opposite teams that is the problem. That is my Thurs.

Since she is not on my team there, no body can kick me off.

Since we are on the same team on Wed. nights she got their sympathy and they kicked me off until her and I can straighten things out.

Her and I are on good terms now, and they want me to come back tomorrow and play since I am one of the better players, but I feel kind of jaded now that they thought I was going to start crap in public anyway.

I mean they aren't our parents, so they should have left it alone and let her and I worry about it. I mean if either one of us thought that something was going to happen, we just wouldn't have shown up.

However they told me not to come, and told her to show up. Like that wasn't supposed to upset me.

So I am torn as to whether or not they are worthy of me playing on their team tomorrow night. Or should I just say to heck with all of them.

As far as me and the wife I ain't worried about that, we are cool now, and we are working on our differences anyway.

My wife knew I wouldn't have started anything in public, but instead of telling them hey that isn't cool she got all happy, and was like well they didn't kick me off, and they think we need some space. So she went and played in the league without me. (The league we are both on the same team.)

Like I said I just said to hell with it and went and played in a tournament anyway. She couldn't believe I didn't stay home and sulk about not being on the team though. I thought that was the funnest part.

Anyway, like I was saying they are wanting me back now, and I don't know if I should come back. If they were really friends, and cool people then they would have told us both not to come play for a while, not just one of us. I would think if they cared about us this is what they would have done. I guess that shows who they like, but when your friends with a married couple your supposed to be friends with the couple, not just one or the other. So to me that is jacked up.

Now that she isn't fighting with me, they are like he can come back. (Yea only because they don't want her to quit playing, and because my wife and I are the two best people on that team.)

Just my thoughts, but I don't really know. Would any of you all go back to playing on their league?

[skor]

If they were really your friends then they wouldn't kick anyone off the team, they would stuck together with you regardless of the outcome in league, but the win was more important....

a pro player told me always play to win, but I think that friends and family should come first....

I think you go a head and play, see if you feel comfortable around your team, if not then quit and look for other options, but really if you consider them your friends then put it all in the past and move on, even friends can make mistakes.

[dags_lax]

Skor gives good advice.

[txplshrk]

Yes Skor you sure do and about 3 other people share your advice on another forum that I chat on.

A lot of people are telling me to ditch that team though, so I don't know what would be better.

I guess the manly thing to do would be to go play on the team and act like nothing happened, and that nothing bothered me. Then they would all wonder why I am not pissed off at them. LOL

[nathar]

Wow, I really don't know where to start on this one. I normally try to stay out of things like this when I don't personally know those involved, but I had a couple of red flags go up reading this. Before I go any farther, let me preface this by saying that you made this a public discussoin.

Flag # 1 in no particular order other than what oozes out of my brain.

Based on your posts you and your wife seem to have some kind of competitive argument thing going on to see whom can piss who off the worst. I base that off of how you decide to go shoot in another tournament on that night, the right decision as long as the intent wasn't to piss her off. And her subsequent bewilderment at how you didn't stay home and sulk, and then your thinking it was funny. If you guys are constantly trying to one up each other with malicious intent then you are both in trouble. I've seen relationships like this before and I've been in a couple as well.

Flag #2

You started your first post off calling them your supposed friends. Using that and the fact they told you that you and your wife needed some space.? I hope for your sake that none of these supposed friends are single guys. Or lesbians for that matter. Plus the fact that your wife didn't seem too bothered by the notion of you being told to stay away by the team and her still being allowed to participate. I don't know. Something does bother me about that.

You know these people, not us. I am only reading a post on the internet. And I'm basing my observations on what I have read in your posts. If there is any exageration of facts then obviously that changes the premise of everything I have just said. Unfortuntely these people sound more like your wife's friends, and you are just along for the ride. If that was the case and my wife were behind me I would start another team and go kick the shit out of them. If not, and you are trusting enough of your wife and these "friends", then let her have her fun, and still get together a team and kick the shit out of them. If you don't trust these "friends" and your wife acts funny towards you when they are around...

I would finish the session or season regardless, unless they told me I wasn't welcome on the team anymore. If you commit to something then you stick it out. Especially in a team sport. To not do so shows a lack of character in my opinion. I doubt very seriously I would play with them again during the next session.



Like I said earlier, this is nothing more than a post on a forum. You are far closer to the situation than I. If anything I said is helpful then great. If not, oh well. I wouldn't use this post to make any irrational life changing decisions though. Also take into acct that it is 3:00am and I have been having a long week at work which is only half way over, and carpel tunnels is setting in.

Good luck

[txplshrk]

Thanks Nathar.

1st, we don't one up each other, so no worries there mate.

I was just pissed that she went to play instead of backing me up on the fact that we both should have been thrown off the team. I mean that is if they were truly worried about drama in the bar. That is why I went and played at the tournament. I thought it was funny cause when I got a call to ask where I was at, I told her, and the suprize in her voice was like damn I can't believe he didn't just stay home. She knows how much I like to shoot pool, and if it weren't for me she wouldn't be in any pool league anyway.

So I got the feeling that she talked to them, and rather than we need space they figured to punish me they would just kick me off the team for a while. (At least that is what it looked like, and since it didn't work now they want me back on the team.)

I know what your saying about it feeling funny, and I am just along for the ride. That is truly what it seems like. We have several friends outside of pool league, and I have never felt this way. However these friends seem to be really nice towards her, and just tollerate me. (May not be true, but that is what it seems like.) I don't want to be a jerk and tell my wife not to hang out with these people cause she likes them. So I guess we shall see.

[txplshrk]

Well I had different opinions given to me on two different forums. Most people say that I should just walk away from the team and not play on it anymore. Which to tell you the truth is what I wanted to do.

However, I have to think about one thing. My wife likes this league, cause it is more social than our Thur. night league. Thursday night league is more cut throat, and more people don't talk simply because they are trying to consentrate on the matches. Also I had to think about how that looked sportsmanship wise. If I ran away it would be like giving in to them, and also hurting the team. I mean all I want to do is play pool, so why shouldn't I play?

So my wife asked me if I would go play last night. I then double checked with her on what was said. "Do they want me to come play, or they just said it was ok cause you want me back?"

She said they wanted me to come play. So I told her I would go play for her, not for them, but for her. She said thank you, and was happy we were going.

When everyone saw me you could cut the tension in the air with a knife.
I just acted like nothing had ever happened and went and shook everyone's hands and told them hi. That helped a bit, but I think they were wondering why I acted like nothing happened.

In this league there are 9 single matches and 9 doubles matches. My wife and I got put together on doubles (which is fine cause we kick ass on doubles) but her and I only got to play three games a piece. Where as some of the other players got to play like 6 games.

I didn't say anything cause it isn't my team, and if they want to punish the team, then so be it.

In fact the last doubles game came down to whether we win or loose for the night. I felt sure with the way I shoot they would have chose me as one of the players. However they chose this younger guy on our team that always struggles.

Well we lost, and trust me had I been up there we wouldn't have. I was dead on my game by that time last night.

Next, I know that everyone will ask how I did so here is the run down.

First singles game I got up there and broke, put a solid in on the break, and in this league I had to be solids. Oh did they look like crap. So I shot in two of them, and then played safe. I had no other choice. The other guy walked up and ran the table. (Dang, this boy was good!!!)

So I shook it off, there was nothing I could do about it. I was shooting well, but as Paul Newman says "The balls roll funny for everyone kid."

The next game was me and the wife at doubles. So she told me to break as I have a better break. (She was hoping I would sink the 8 again tonight.)

So I got up and broke and we got a good spred but nothing went in.

The other team shot two balls in. Then my wife shot in like 4. Then the guy I played the first game gets up there and starts running the table. Well until the 8 got knocked in prematurely. LOL

So I didn't get to shoot on that one. (Nothing I could do again.)

Last game of doubles I get to play, and me and the wife are playing again. She racked, they broke and then sunk one after the break. I finally get to shoot cause my wife told me to go first. So I get up there and sink 5 balls. I am on fire it seems, until I miss a cross bank that was a difficult shot. Then low and behold the guy I have played for the last two games gets up and runs out again. So my wife didn't get to shoot this game. (Nothing we could do, I mean the guy was dang good! I have to give the guy props for that.)

Anyway, I think I had to play him every time cause they knew he was the best player, so naturally you put your best player against him. What I couldn't understand is on the last match of the night why they wouldn't have put their best two players up there when the whole night was on the line. They didn't and of course we lost. I am not the captain so I am not going to worry about it, but I could tell that because of the tension my wife and I only got to play the minimum amount of games last night.

I am happy, and frustrated all in the same sentence. I would have loved to play more games, but at least they treated me and the wife equally last night. And at least I got to play this week. Like I said, I didn't say anything about the previous week. I just went in there and played my game. Which is what I am going to do for the whole season. I think I owe the team that, cause I said I would play. At least I think that is the sportsman thing to do. It doesn't mean when the season is over I can't bail out on them though.

I am feeling good knowing that I went in there and acted like nothing happened and just played my game though, cause that is the only reason I ever joined this team. To play my freakin game! That is all I ever want to do on leagues. So at least I did that, even though it was a little tense in there.

[cebuboy]

Well, for what it's worth, I think you did good... in your game, with your teammates and, especially, with your wife. :)

[txplshrk]

Thanks cebuboy!!